The Hurt Locker

image from http://cinematographique.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/hurt-locker-1.jpg

What: The Hurt Locker (2009)

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Kathryn Bigelow's divorce settlement awarded her primary custody of the talent.

There is one scene in The Hurt Locker that lasts about ten minutes, and not much happens.  There is almost no dialogue, and - in a truly rare cinematic choice - there is no background music to man-handle the viewer into a feeling a particular emotion.  Nobody jumps out of a bush to yell "Boo!" and nothing explodes.

I was on the edge of my seat for the whole scene.

I wish I could pinpoint what made this movie so compelling in spite of the glaring lack of traditional suspense movie-style trappings.  Perhaps because it's an (apparently) incredibly realistic depiction of a real-life setting that is (apparently) characterized by simultaneous terror and boredom.  Those of us who have never experienced war first-hand are in no position to judge the quality of realism in this film, but Bigelow sure made me feel like I had a front-row seat.

There is something beautiful about this film, which feels like a truly twisted thing to say.  It's brilliantly shot, and has a jarringly sparse quality about it that puts it in stark contrast to the glitz and effects of so many films today (coughcough Avatar coughcough).  It may not be as obviously groundbreaking as Bigelow's famous ex's recent effort, but it manages to take a frequently filmed topic and make it feel terrifyingly new.  See it.

Evil Pinot Evil

What: Pinot Evil (Pinot Noir)

Price: $5.99

Rating: 3

Non-Quantifiable Rating: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, drink no evil

I am a big fan of cheap, yummy wine, and I have had incredible success finding cheap wine that blows me away.  Then again, there are always exceptions.  Like this swill.

Not only is it a Pinot Noir (my favorite), but it's a FRENCH Pinot.  They are supposed to be good at Pinot over there!

I referenced this wine earlier this year while reviewing a much better wine.  Friends of mine opened this wine and it was so disappointing that we didn't even finish it (an unprecendented occurance).  It manages to be tart and bland all at once.

I am posting this review for three reasons: 

1) To advise you to use your money elsewhere, like on one of my many favorably reviewed wines,

2) To ask if anyone has had a different experience with Pinot Evil, and

3) To use this opportunity to ask if anyone has a great, cheap Pinot that they can recommend as an alternative to the Evil Pinot Evil.  I'm all ears!

Deviled Eggs

What: Deviled Eggs
Rating: 8
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Nothing satanic about these puppies

Few things are as polarizing as deviled eggs.  They're like the Sarah Palin of snack foods: You either love them to bits or you want them to disappear off the face of the Earth, never to emerge again.   When it comes to deviled eggs - especially these ones - I'm firmly in the former camp.  I will refrain from declaring my stance on the other issue.

If you're one of those weirdos that are ambivalent about deviled eggs, give these a whirl.  I bet I'll earn your vote.

Note: this recipe involves a big fat load of spices.  There are some - myself included - that also really enjoy deviled eggs that only involve mayonnaise, yellow mustard, and paprika.  If you're short on time, there is nothing wrong with the easy route.  Use the mayo and paprika amounts called for in this recipe, and add mustard to taste.

INGREDIENTS:
(makes 24 egg halves)

- 12 hard boiled eggs
- 1/2c. mayonnaise
- 2 T. milk
- 1 tsp. dried parsely flakes
- 1/2 tsp. dried chives (if you don't have chives, chopped green onion is a great substitute)
- 1/2 tsp. ground mustard powder
- 1/8 tsp. dried dill weed
- 1/4 tsp. salt (seasoned salt works too)
- 1/4 tsp. paprika (use a little more for dusting the eggs)
- 1/8 tsp. fresh ground pepper
- 1/8 tsp. garlic powder

DIRECTIONS:
1) Slice the eggs in half lengthwise; remove the yolks, and set whites aside.


2) In a small bowl, mush yolks well with a fork, leaving no small lumps.

3) Add next 10 ingredients (adjusting to suit taste) mix well to combine.

4) Spoon or pipe egg yolk mixture evenly into the whites (note: if you dump the filling into a ziploc baggie and cut the corner off, it is really easy to squeeze the filling into the egg halves).

5) Sprinkle with paprika.

6) Cover tightly with plastic wrap.

7) Store in the refrigerator until ready to serve.

8) *NOTE* the eggs are better if left to chill for at least 5 hours before serving.

Memory Keeper's Daughter

What: The Memory Keeper's Daughter

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: I found Rachel McAdams' next role

This book begins in 1964 with a father making the painful decision to give up a child born with Down syndrome.  As it spans the next 25 years, the book is mostly compelling and mostly touching.  It suffers from moments of slothlike pacing and moments of Lifetime movie-esque trite schmaltz, but it is still very much worth reading.  It caused me to stay up well past my bedtime two nights in a row, which is a rare feat for any book.

Edwards has a gift for creating a very visible world; I frequently felt as though I was perched on a chair in the corner of the room, watching the characters.  Anyone who liked The Time Traveler's Wife will probably enjoy this one.  And if you wanted to off yourself halfway through The Notebook, steer clear.

Banana Cake

What: Banana Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: The holy grail of banana cake.

I'm a die-hard chocolate person.  I pretty much never select an alternative to chocolate when chocolate is an option.  However, this cake is ridiculously good.  I mean really, really, ridiculously good.  Obviously if you don't like banana bread you probably won't be a big fan of this type of cake - but that's fine, that means more for the rest of us.  I want more.  Lots more.  Now.

BEST EVER BANANA CAKE:

from Rhonda J on recipezaar.com

Makes one 9x13 pan or 2 8-inch rounds

INGREDIENTS:

- 1-1/2c. mashed super duper ripe bananas (seriously, wait til they're gross)

- 2 tsp. lemon juice

- 3c. flour

- 1-1/2 tsp. baking soda

- 1/4 tsp. salt

- 3/4c. butter, softened

- 2-1/8c. sugar

- 3 large eggs

- 2 tsp. vanilla

-1-1/2c. buttermilk (to make your own, use 1 tablespoon of white vinegar for every cup of milk).

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING:

(you might want to halve this, especially if you're just making the 9x13 pan)

- 1/2 c. butter, softened

- 1 8oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened

- 1 tsp. vanilla

- 3-1/2c. icing sugar

GARNISH: chopped walnuts (optional!)

DIRECTIONS:

1) Preheat oven to 275°.

2) Grease and flour a 9 x 13 pan.

3) In a small bowl, mix mashed banana with the lemon juice; set aside.

4) In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.

5) In a large bowl, cream 3/4 cup butter and 2 1/8 cups sugar until light and fluffy.

6) Beat in eggs, one at a time, then stir in 2 tsp vanilla.

7) Beat in the flour mixture alternately with the buttermilk.

8) Stir in banana mixture.

9) Pour batter into prepared pan and bake in preheated oven for one hour or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

10) Remove from oven and place directly into the freezer for 45 minutes. (I know this sounds crazy, but I swear it makes a huge difference in the texture of the cake).
11) For the frosting, cream the butter and cream cheese until smooth.

12) Beat in 1 teaspoon vanilla.

13) Add icing sugar and beat on low speed until combined, then on high speed until frosting is smooth.

14) Spread on cooled cake.

15) Sprinkle chopped walnuts over top of the frosting, if desired.

Old Dogs

image from comengetme.wordpress.com

What: Old Dogs (2009)

Rating: 2

Non-Quantifiable Rating: I'm dumber than I was before I watched this movie.

These old dogs need some new tricks.  Oh, I'm sorry, was that comment trite, cliched and cheesy?  Maybe I learned trite, cliched cheesiness from this insufferable excuse for a movie.

Here's the plot:  Williams and Travolta are BFFs, and corporate junkie kid-haters.  Naturally, they acquire some children by accident.  Attempts at hilarity ensue.  Attempts at hilarity fail.  I admit, I laughed once or twice during this movie.  I can't even remember what I laughed at, because the brief funny moments were shrouded in 89 minutes of crap.  It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's safe to say that Travolta and Williams should fire their respective agents.

End of rant.

Beer Batter Cheese Bread

What: Beer Batter Cheese Bread

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Bread? Good. Cheese? Good. Cheese in bread?  Gooooooood.

Warning:  when this bread is baking, make sure you are fully clothed and your kitchen looks respectable.  That is because the smells coming from the oven will be so good that you will have no fewer than eleven neighbors casually swing by to say: "Hey, how are you?  Oh, are you baking?  Need a taste tester?  Put a shirt on!"

This is a cheese-stuffed alternative to the great beer bread recipe I posted on New Year's.  And to quote my husband, "Everything is better with cheese."  It's a little bit on the dry side to eat by itself (although that didn't stop me from taking down half a loaf in one sitting), so for optimum cheesy enjoyment I recommend serving it with chili or soup.

BEER BATTER CHEESE BREAD

(recipe from ravenseyes on recipezaar.com)

INGREDIENTS:

- 3c. self-rising flour*

- 1/4c. granulated sugar

- 1c. extra sharp cheddar cheese, grated

- 1/4c. green onion, chopped

- 12 ounces of beer (I used Michelob Golden Light because I like to keep it classy).

*if you don't have self-rising flour, here's how you can make your own:  for every cup of all-purpose flour, add 1 teaspoon of baking powder and 1/2 tsp. of salt.  Sift ingredients together.  May be stored at room temperature in an airtight container.

DIRECTIONS:

1) Pre-heat oven to 350-F degrees and thoroughly grease the inside (bottom and all four sides) of a single loaf pan. Reserve.

2) In a large mixing bowl, sift flour and sugar together. Add grated cheddar cheese and chopped green onions. Thoroughly mix all ingredients together. Add beer and stir until the ingredients are uniformly moistened.
3) Spoon bread dough mixture into a well-greased loaf pan. Bake for approximately 1 hour, or until the loaf is golden brown and emits a hollow sound when tapped. Cool on a wire rack, and store in an airtight container.
4) May freeze for up to 90 days. Slice to serve.

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

What: Spinach and Artichoke Dip

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Screw the celery sticks, eat this stuff with a spoon.

This is super easy to make and will cause everyone at your party to hover over the snack table.  If you don't want snack hoverers, make something crappier.

SPINACH AND ARTICHOKE DIP (adapted from recipezaar.com)

Serves 15, makes 4-1/2 cups

INGREDIENTS

- 2c. parmesan cheese

- 1 (10oz) bag/box of frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained

- 1 (14oz) can artichoke hearts, chopped and drained

- 2/3c. sour cream (I used light sour cream and it still turned out fine)

- 1c. cream cheese

- 1/3c. mayonnaise (I used light Miracle Whip and it still turned out fine)

- 2tsp. garlic, minced

DIRECTIONS

1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees

2) Mix together parmesan cheese, spinach, and artichoke hearts

3) Combine remaining ingredients and mix with the spinach mixture

4) Bake for 20-30 minutes (I did it for 25 minutes and it was just fine)

5) Serve!

Widgety Guinness

What: Guinness can with built in widget

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Drink a stack of these and then say "Guinness widget" seven times fast.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!  I'm practically obligated to review something Irish today.  I thought about reviewing a potato, a leprechaun, or Catholic-Protestant tensions...but in the end, Guinness won out.

This isn't necessarily a review of Guinness per se, but rather their cans with built-in widgets.  You didn't even know your life was lacking widgets, did you?  The Guinness widget is a patented floating clunky thing (that's the technical description) in the can that manages the pressure of the beer so that it can maintain the perfect signature dark creamy head when poured from a can.  Drinking Guinness out of a can just seems wrong, but if you're going to have it out of a can, you might as well have things managed properly.  With the signature head intact, you can be suuuuper authentic and try to draw a four-leaf clover in the foam like they do at the Guinness brewery in Dublin.

This thing loses points for making Guinness more expensive, and for making cans more difficult to recycle.  However, until more bars come to their senses and carry Guinness on tap, I'll tolerate the occasional widget.  Be safe and widgety out there today, folks!

Mea Culpa

Sorry readers - I've slacked off horribly.  Please accept my apologies, and look forward to a full-on review blitz coming your way.  Besides, look at that face!  Just TRY and stay mad at me!

Steve Hoag's Marathon Sports

What: Steve Hoag's Marathon Sports (Running Store)
Where: 2312 W 50th St, Minneapolis
Rating: 8
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Shoe Savants

OK, if anyone from Marathon Sports sees this, please know that you changed my life. I am hell-bent on buying from independent running stores, but I spent years and years buying every brand of running shoe on the market and suffering from every running injury known to man.
In a moment of sheer genius, I went to Marathon Sports where they made me actually get my butt on a treadmill and watched me run, and told me I was buying the wrong kind of shoes. I whined but I listened, and three years later I'm on my 9th pair of the same exact shoe (and the only reason I have gone through so many is because they were soooo right on on the type I needed that I now run 50-60 miles a week, injury-free, and I am on my 10th full marathon so I keep putting 500 miles on the shoes and having to buy new ones!!)

I love you, Marathon Sports. Love, love, love. Love, love. And one more love.

The Birkie

What: The 2010 American Birkebeiner nordic ski race
Where: Cable to Hayward, Wisconsin
Rating: 9
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Slow and steady...gets 2,326th place.

Hey!!  You know what would be super fun?  Doing alternating single leg squats along side simultaneous lat pull-downs and tricep extensions.  For three hours and thirty-nine minutes straight.  While covering 51 kilometers.  Broken up only by the occasional death-defying slide down an icy, curving downhill while herds of snowmobilers line the track and eagerly await your spectacular (and nearly inevitable) face plant.

Put that way, it sounds like a person would have to be a little "off" to find the Birkebeiner appealing.  And come to think of it, nordic skiers do tend to march to their own frozen drummers.  But I'm proud to count myself among them -- at least as a wannabe.

This was my 3rd Birkie (as us super-cool insiders call it), and it was a lot of fun.  I actually trained this year, and cut two hours and 29 minutes off my previous time (that tells you alllll you need to know about how slow I was before).  The conditions were perfect, and I managed to finish right in the middle of the pack, earning myself a substantially cooler starting place for next year.

As usual, the Birkie was impeccably organized, and the northern Wisconsin crowd came out in full force to cheer.  And only some of them were hoping to witness face plants.