The Dull and Creepy Bones

image (c) rottentomatoes.com

What: The Lovely Bones (2009)

Rating: 2

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Peter Jackson, go back to your hobbits.

Save yourself fifteen dollars, 135 minutes and loooooong, supernatural, uncomfortably sleazy nightmares.  I have to admit that I read the book recently and was not a big fan.  Thus, I shouldn't be too surprised that I didn't like the movie, but I had high hopes for Peter Jackson's first effort since the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

This film gets two points: one for occasional moments of imaginative special effects, and one to acknowledge the handful of decent acting performances (especially considering the utter crap of a script with which they had to work).  The luminous Susan Sarandon held her own, as did Rachel Weisz and Marky Mark --err-- I mean, Mark Wahlberg.  Speaking of Lord of the Rings, the finest performance came from a skin-crawlingly creepy and oddly Gollum-esque Stanley Tucci.

Alas, even this impressive cast and big-name director couldn't save this disaster of a movie.  I don't even need to give my little plot blurb because if you've seen the trailer, you've seen it all (well, all the good parts).  It was long and appallingly slowly paced.  I'm pretty sure I could have re-read the book by the time the credits finally rolled.  The film really wants us to feel creeped out (successful) and REALLY wants us to care (fail).

If you absolutely insist upon seeing this movie, do yourself a favor and read the book first so at least you can avoid being bored, creeped out, AND wildly confused.

Talia Rosso Sicilia

What: Talia Rosso Sicilia 2007

Price: Approx. $9

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: It's 300 degrees below zero.  Put down the white wine.

I recently had a small gathering centered primarily around wine (shocking, I know).  My guests were white wine fans, but decided to be adventurous and try out my reds.  The first one we tried was so disappointing that we didn't even finish it (that might be a first for me - can't decide if I want to review it later or not).  As a hostess I clearly needed to redeem myself, and I took a risk by choosing an inexpensive wine I'd never tried before.  The staff at The Wine Thief recommended it, so I was putting my oenophilic fate squarely in their hands.

Score one for the The Wine Thief!  This one was fabulous.  It's a basic full-bodied Syrah/Merlot blend.  No bells, no whistles, just great taste.  Given that I don't generally go for Merlots and my guests don't usually go for reds at all, it's amazing that we were all fans.  It got even better as it sat in the decanter for a while (and maybe it would have been even better after a longer time in the decanter, but we never found out.....)

Shutter Island

image (c) tower books

What: Shutter Island (the book; the movie comes out 2/19)

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: The kind of book that makes you suspicious of your mailman. And your dog.  And your mom.

It took me two weeks to read the first half of this book, and two hours to read the second half.  It was so slow to get into that I nearly threw in the towel - but at a certain point it grabbed me by the jugular and just wouldn't let go.  It's been a long time since I read a book that was able to both make me think and completely creep me out.  It's set in the 1950s on a shady island that houses a maximum security prison/psychiatric hospital.  Two U.S. Marshalls go to to the island to investigate a patient escape, and things just keep getting weirder and weirder.

I kept congratulating myself on figuring out the ending (I was SURE I knew how it would end) -- and then I kept being wrong.  And now that it's over, I would like to formally recommend the author for thorough psychiatric evaluation.  This guy must have been locked in a dark room and tortured by rabid squirrels as a baby.  Seriously, he needs help.  But in the meantime, we can all reap the benefits of his twisted mind.

The movie comes out in a few weeks, and Scorcese is directing (score!).  This book has the potential to make a pretty epic film, so I hope they don't screw it up.

Up

image from www.jcreviews.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/up325.jpg

What: Up (2009), now available on DVD

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: The entire Viking offense probably needs to see this movie today.

Sigh.  I considered posting scathing diatribes on third down interceptions, ridiculous fumbles, and questionable pass interference calls.  Heck, I even drafted an entire post snarking on Drew Brees' hair (taking the high road, naturally).

Instead, I decided to review a movie that is sure to force a little cheer into the heart of even the Grinchiest Vikings fan.

Up is from the Disney/Pixar powerhouse.  These folks know their stuff, and they rarely disappoint.  Up tells the story of a man chasing his dreams during the twilight of his life.  It's exciting, extremely well produced, and the graphics are impressive.  It's also very funny and surprisingly moving.  The last time a Disney film stuck with me this long after the credits rolled, it was 1989 and it was because I couldn't get the song "Under the Sea" out of my head.

The pacing is a little uneven, and the film has more scary/traumatic elements than I would think appropriate for a kids' movie (then again, it's PG - as was Home Alone, and we all know the shenanigans involved in that one).  Of course, it's nowhere near as traumatic as throwing a third down interception - so it's bound to lighten spirits in Minnesota.  It's also engrossing enough that it may offer you (and your partner) 90 minutes free from armchair quarterbacking.  Enjoy!

The Wine Thief

What: The Wine Thief (wine store)

Where: 1787 St. Clair Avenue, St. Paul, Minnesota

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: In your face, Trader Joe's.

It is with substantial trepidation that I write this review.  Why?  Because I'm letting you all in on my special little secret, and now all my favorite wine will be out of stock.  The Wine Thief is an unassuming, tiny little middle-of-nowhere joint on St. Clair in St. Paul, but it is an absolute hidden gem.  The cat's out of the bag - my only hope is that they don't let it go to their heads and go all corporate on me.

The Wine Thief is a humble wine store that focuses on good, solid wine under $20 (a.k.a., my kinda place).  They have an impressive selection for their size, and they also offer tastings (I win!).  The best thing about this place? The featured tables, which highlight various themes (staff picks, wines under $10, seasonal favorites, etc.).  As if that weren't enough, they also have an impressive selection of esoteric, wordly, uber-fun beer.

The friendly, non-uppity, knowledgeable staff are the Pinot-flavored cherry on top of this delicious Ice Cream Sundae of a neighborhood wine store.  They have earned my loyal patronage, and they deserve yours as well.  Eat your hearts out, Trader Joes.  Check 'em out at http://www.winethief.net/.

Molasses Cookies

What: Best ever Molasses Cookies

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Spicy, sweet, soft, and satisfying.  Like an Adam Sandler movie.

In the grand world of cookie baking I don't know if they quite stand up to Siri's chocolate ginger cookies (I'll post those eventually) but in terms of classic Molasses, these are BEYOND comparison.  Definitely the best molasses cookie recipe I've ever found, even with my slight alterations.  Make. them. now.  Are you still reading this?  Stop!  Go make cookies!  Go!

MOLASSES COOKIES (adapted from Shril J on recipezaar)

Makes 50 smallish cookies

INGREDIENTS

- 3/4 cup shortening

- 1 cup packed brown sugar

- 1 large egg

- 1/2 cup molasses (I used blackstrap and liked that, but you could use regular molasses)

- 2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I used 1 cup all-purpose and 1-1/2 cup whole wheat)

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 2 teaspoons baking soda

- 1 teaspoon cinnamon

- 1 teaspoon nutmeg

- 1 teaspoon ground ginger

- 1 teaspoon allspice (I was out of allspice, so substituted 1/4 tsp. each of black pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground cloves).

INSTRUCTIONS:

1) Cream together shortening and brown sugar.

2) Stir in egg and molasses and mix well (I beat my egg first)

3) Fold in dry ingredients and stir.

4) Cover and chill till firm (1-2 hours - although I chilled mine overnight).

5) Preheat oven to 350°.

6) Roll dough into small balls, pat down slightly, and roll in white sugar.

7) Place on lightly greased cookie sheet (or use parchment paper, which is what I always do).

8) Bake at 350° for 9-10 minutes. (9 is plenty - even if they still look soft, they will firm up as they sit).

9) Leave on sheet one minute until set (while my cookies were setting, I sprinkled a bit more sugar on them since most of the rolled sugar soaks in).

Droid Eris

What: Droid Eris, Motorola's new SmartPhone

Price: $50 if you do Verizon's BOGO special going on right now

Rating: 6...so far...

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Deep down, I just really want Zack Morris' phone.

I finally buckled and joined the ranks of the perpetually accessible.  The Eris is Motorola's newest offering, and it's the MUCH cheaper, sleeker younger sister of the clunky, gadgety Droid.

It's surprisingly easy to use, and oh-so pretty.  The Gmail application is fantastic, and I am also a sucker for the free ringtone app (although it will be embarrassing if someone assigned to the Lady Gaga ringtone calls me during a meeting).

However, it lost points in three areas:  one, it's touch-screen only and apparently my fingers are way too fat for the on-screen keys (is anyone else thinking about that Simpsons episode right now?).  Second, the battery life is unimpressive, although I hear that's par for the course for smartphones.  Finally, the biggest issue was that it completely froze up less than 24 hours before I bought it.  The poor sales girl had given me her cell phone number (unwise) and when I got a hold of her she instructed me to remove the battery (how old school!).  It worked, and it hasn't frozen again, but it's pretty annoying that it didn't even make it one day before I was on the phone with the company.

Now if only I could watch five minutes of television without seeing Verizon and AT&T fighting like six-year-olds...

Jasmine 26

What: Jasmine 26 (Restaurant)

Where: 8 East 26th Street, Minneapolis (just off Nicollet Ave.)

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Good enough to make me briefly cheat on Chiang Mai Thai

When you have a Vietnamese restaurant on the famed Eat Street in Minneapolis, you have your work cut out for you.  That stretch of Nicollet Avenue is absolutely dripping with authentic and fantastic (if occasionally dive-y) restaurants, including countless excellent Vietnamese joints.  I scoped it out to see if it could stand up to its neighbors.

The hubs and I went to Jasmine 26 at 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon.  The odd timing explains the fact that there were only two other guests there when we arrived, and it almost explains why we were standing at the host stand for an awkwardly long time before anyone appeared to acknowledge us.  Once we were seated, the service improved substantially (the bartender holding the screaming baby was slightly distracting, but if I had a restaurant that served food until 2:30 a.m on weekends (!!), I'd probably take my kids to work too).

The ambiance was sleek and classy (screaming baby excluded), and we were pleasantly surprised to be offered an extensive happy hour menu with great deals ($4.50 starters, $7 entrees and half off beer and wine).  The hubs' fried rice was tasty, my yellow curry soup was impressive, and my spring rolls with peanut sauce were a highlight.  Then again, I'd eat a tire iron if it was slathered in peanut sauce.

I want to come back during dinner hours some time so I can put Jasmine to my ultimate test: green curry.  Worth another trip (gotta love any place that serves a ginormous hunk of bread with their soup - see below).

Makulu Iswithi Pinotage

What: Makulu Iswithi Pinotage 2006

Price: $6-10

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Impressive and sustainable - it's like getting buzzed off a Toyota Prius.

Hooray!!!  A wine that is inexpensive, scrumptious, and organically/sustainably grown.  For the price, it doesn't get much better than this.  I haven't had a lot of South African wine, but I'm hooked.  This Pinotage is sure to be a crowd pleaser.  It's quite sweet and will appeal to the Pinot fans (Iswithi means "sweet" in Zulu), but it's cherry-sweet rather than sickly-sweet, and it's also full-bodied enough to win over Cab and Syrah fans.

If you're still nursing the Mike's Hard Lemonade/Gallo White Zin habit you developed in college, now's the time to move on with your life - and this yummy option will help ease the transition.

We served it with a spicy chili and the flavors worked really well together.  I have never seen it in a store, so the main reason I can't give it a higher score is that it may not be very accessible.  However, I found it online for $9.99 (bloggers in other states claim to have found it in stores for as little as $5.99).  If you find it, let me know - I'll go stock up!

Cheese Fondue

What: Cheese Fondue

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Even a Wayne Newton and Tom Jones duet can't be this cheesy.

I'm getting hungry just writing this review.  I made this cheese fondue recipe for a family party recently, and it was a hit.  The only thing wrong was that there were ten of us around a table, which meant that the poor suckers on the ends were out of cheese-spearing range.  Next time I'll try this for a group of no more than six.  Plus, that means more cheese for me.  Wheeee!

This recipe is surprisingly easy and fabulous, and it didn't separate or get gloppy/oily like some other cheese fondue recipes.  Serve it with my Homemade Beer Bread (featured in the pic above!) and other dippers like blanched broccoli florets, julienned red bell peppers, cauliflower, assorted Italian sausages, tart apple slices - the sky's the limit!

p.s. Traditionally, wine is served with cheese fondue instead of water.  Rumor has it that if you drink water while eating fondue, you and your stomach will regret it.  I don't actually know if that's true, but I'm not willing to risk it - bring on the wine!  I'll find some more to review for you soon.

Cheese Fondue (recipe adapted from epicurious.com)

Serves 6 (I doubled it for my crowd and there was plenty)

INGREDIENTS:

- 1 garlic clove, halved crosswise

- 1-1/2 c. dry white wine

- 3 tablespoons corn starch

- 1/2 pound Emmental or Fontina cheese, grated

- 1/2 pound Gruyere cheese, grated (Gruyere is expensive, but worth it - this absolutely makes the difference in the fondue)

INSTRUCTIONS:
Rub inside of a 4-quart heavy pot with cut sides of garlic, then discard garlic. Add wine to pot and bring just to a simmer over moderate heat.

Toss 2 tablespoons of cornstarch with the cheese to coat (this keeps it from separating from the wine).

Stir together remaining cornstarch and a couple of tablespoons of water in a cup.

Gradually add cheese to pot and cook, stirring constantly in a zigzag pattern (not a circular motion) to prevent cheese from balling up, until cheese is just melted and creamy (do not let boil). Stir cornstarch and water mixture again and stir into fondue. Bring fondue to a simmer and cook, stirring, until thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Transfer to fondue pot set over a flame, or an electric pot on low. Start dipping!!

The Bachelor

image from http://www.accesshollywood.com/content/images/104/415x0/104769_bachelor-jake-pavelka.jpg

What: Season 14 (whoa) premiere of ABC's The Bachelor

Rating: 3

Non-Quantifiable Rating: This season's Bachelor is the guy in class who raises his hand at the end of the day to remind the teacher to assign homework.

Oy.  This review requires me to admit that I actually watched the season premiere.  Actually, I'll take it a step further: I generally go out of my way to watch the Bachelor.  It's a serious character flaw for me, and I'll blame it on getting addicted watching with my roommates while in undergrad.

As the seasons have passed, ABC has gone to ridiculous lengths to incite drama as one person narrows down a field of 25 potential spouses.  This time, they have made it easy on themselves by casting 25 girls who are all clearly recent graduates of the School of Pseudo-Fame for Desperate, Narcissistic, Emotionally Stunted Drama Queens who Never Quite Got Past Coming in Second in the 1986 Precious Little Miss Pageant.

To make matters worse, the guy these witches are all fighting over makes used car salesmen seem suave and sincere.  Seriously, this one was painful, folks.  It used to be that they'd at least try to make it look like the contestants weren't all aspiring models and actresses, but it would appear that they've thrown in the towel and embraced their deluded insta-fame factory.  Gross.

Avatar

image from http://armyfamilyok.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/avatar-new-poster.jpg

What: Avatar (2009)

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Gosh, if only James Cameron had some ambition.

I'm struggling with this review, because I absolutely loved everything about this movie - with one big, big exception.  However, I don't want to go into detail about my issue with the film because it requires discussing specific plot points including the ending, and I don't want to spoil it for folks.  Thus, if you've seen the film, I encourage you to comment and/or shoot me an email if you want to discuss further.  Maybe when it comes out on DVD I'll go full-bore with my review.

I recognize that I'm the only person on the planet not giving Avatar a perfect rating.  Here's the deal: the movie was incredibly ambitious, unbelievably original, visually stunning and phenomenally executed.  Yeah, that was a lot of modifying adjectives.  It's absolutely worth seeing, and absolutely worth seeing while it's still in the theater.  My jaw actually dropped, which never happens, and three hours passed by in a flash.  It was even worthwhile given that the showing we wanted to attend was sold out and I had to go to the showing that let out at 2:30 in the morning.

However....one major element of the plot really, really pissed me off and felt like a massive cop-out on the part of the filmmakers.  It's very unfortunate, because the rest of the film was the kind of movie that will stay in your mind for a long time, and in my case, the memories of the amazing cinematic achievement are tarnished by what I can only assume resulted from marketing pressure and/or test audiences.

In spite of this, I very much enjoyed this film and I can't imagine anyone thinking it was a waste of their movie ticket dollars.  It was pretty violent and language-filled for a PG-13 movie so I wouldn't necessarily take your baby-sitting charges, but it was nothing short of ground-breaking.

Homemade Beer Bread

image courtesy of grshortstop.blogspot.com

What: Homemade Beer Bread

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: In case your New Year's Resolution is for more butter, and more yumminess.

Happy New Year!  It's almost embarrassing when people ask me for this recipe, because it's so insanely simple.  In fact, you could probably get away with successfully baking this bread even after drinking several rounds of the primary ingredient.  Normally I prefer healthier, whole wheat bread, but every once in a while you just need to dump butter on something.  This is that thing.  It's super easy, super yummy, and goes great with cheese fondue (post forthcoming!)  It's made from things that are probably already in your pantry, so if you start now, you could have steaming hot, freshly baked bread on your table in just over an hour! Thanks to shortstop for the recipe!

BEER BREAD (adapted from grshortstop.blogspot.com)

Makes: 1 9x5 loaf

INGREDIENTS:

- 3 cups flour

- 1/3 cups sugar

- 1 tablespoon baking powder

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 1 (12 ounce) bottle of beer (I used Michelob Golden Light, because I like to keep it super classy)

- 3 tablespoons butter, melted

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 9" x 5" loaf pan with cooking spray. Set aside.

Sift flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Add beer and mix until combined (dough will be sticky). Place dough into loaf pan. Pour melted butter over top of loaf.

Bake at 350 degrees, uncovered.  The original recipe calls for 50-60 minutes, but it took mine closer to 80 to turn nice and golden brown (not sure why - just keep an eye on it, this is a forgiving recipe). You're done when the color looks right or a toothpick comes out clean from the center.