Mulled Wine

What: Hot Mulled Wine

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Why British people can stay warm in the winter.  Warm...and drunk.

I discovered the glory of hot mulled wine during a Christmas celebration in Hyde Park while I was living in London.  I had just been thinking that it was a shame to have a Christmas celebration with no snow, but after a healthy dose of this stuff, I became the jolliest of elves. 

Mulled wine is more labor-intensive than just cracking open a bottle, but it's worth the effort.  The next time you have people over this winter, bust out the crock pot and get mulling.  Charming British accents not included.

TRADITIONAL ENGLISH MULLED WINE (adapted from epicurious.com)

Makes 8 generous servings

INGREDIENTS:

- 2 bottles of dirt-cheap, full-bodied red wine (like 2 Buck Chuck Cabernet Sauvignon)

- 2 lemons

- 1 orange

- 100g - 150g of demerara sugar (to taste)

- 4 whole cloves

- Pinch of cinnamon

- Pinch of powdered ginger

- 1 dried, torn bayleaf

- generous splash of Port wine, Cointreau, or Brandy (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Pre-heat the slow cooker on high as you prepare the ingredients. Pour the wine into the cooker. Cut thin slivers of rind from one lemon and squeeze the juice directly into the wine. Also add the rind. Cut the orange in half, stud one half with cloves (as in, stick the pointy part of the cloves into the orange flesh until they stick) and float the orange clove-side down on the wine. Retain the other half of the orange for later. Add the herbs and spices and continue to heat on high for an hour.

Add the sugar with stirring until it has dissolved, then turn to low.

To serve, remove the lemon rind and orange half and stir in the Cointreau or brandy. Slice the remaining lemon and orange and float on top of the mulled wine.  Add more sugar if it's too tart, or more lemon juice if it's too sweet.

Enjoy!

Pulling Peyton

image courtesy of http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2009-12/50988688.jpg

What: Colts coach Jim Caldwell's decision to pull Manning during Sunday's game

Rating: 1

Non-Quantifiable Rating: The decision-making prowess of a drunk squirrel.

Hey! You know what would be a neat?  Pulling your star player when a perfect season is on the line!

Fail.

Caldwell was just quoted as saying that he stands by his decision, using the following impeccable logic: "Once you make a decision, you have to live with it." Sharply observed, sir.

I admit, I'm abnormally invested in the crappiness of this decision, because Peyton was my fantasy football quarterback this year, and I was in the championships this weekend.  However, I'd like to present this decision as objectively ridicuous.  If I made such an apocalyptically crummy decision at my job, I'd expect to be canned.  However, since I haven't quite obtained ownership of the Colts organization, it's not up to me.  All I can do is give scathing reviews.  Done and done.

Surly Darkness

image (c) http://blogs.citypages.com/food/2008/10/beer_lovers_may.php

What: Surly Darkness beer

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: You try and be surly with 9.6% alcohol by volume.

Yep, you read that correctly - 9.6% alcohol by volume.  Ridiculous.  That explains why, after two of these, cross country skiing was a substantial challenge.  This will wipe away all memories of being terrorized by 839 of your nieces and nephews and cousins at Christmas.

This is a fiercely dark, intense stout with an angry flurry of flavors.  It's top-notch as far as full-bodied stouts go, but drinker be warned: if your beer tastes fall in the Natty Ice/Milwaukee's Best/Busch Light categories, Surly Darkness will taste like liquified charcoal to you.  If you don't like it, set down the Darkness and back away slowly, leaving every precious drop to the rest of us.

FYI, this is a seasonal beer that gets tapped around Halloween and is vanishing quickly, so go out and grab some before it's all gone.  Lack of surly would make anyone surly.

BEST OF: Winter/Holiday Music

In honor of Christmas, I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the best holiday music - add 'em to your iPod shuffle for present opening!

BEST: Song for when you're over the cutesy factor:
Simon & Garfunkle, Hazy Shade of Winter
Classic 80s pop song that probably has more sinister undertones than actual holiday cheer, but it's a good one.

BEST: Flat-out gorgeous, play-it-100-times-in-a-row to get you in the spirit song:
Sarah McLachlan, Wintersong
It's impossible to be grinch-like when listening to this song.

BEST: Song for when you need to appease the traditional family members but can't tolerate one more Bing Crosby song:
Mannheim Steamroller, Carol of the Bells
This one is traditional enough to make your Great Aunt Mildred happy, Christmas-y enough to get you in the mood, and makes precisely zero references to Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

BEST: Sing a-long for when everyone's had a few too many spiked egg nogs:
Hannukah Song, Adam Sandler
Hilarious.

BEST: Full album
Love Actually Soundtrack
It's not all Christmas music, so you can spin it on the 25th and also spin it in June.  Worth downloading.  Fab.

Tortilla Pinwheels

image (c) recipezaar.com, courtesty of Pvt Amy's Mom

What: Tortilla Pinwheels

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Swirls of yummy.

Given the plethora of holiday parties, I thought it was high time to post a good crowd-pleasing appetizer.  These are very yummy and go over very well.  They don't take long either, although it's best to make them at least a few hours in advance so they have time to set and chill.

The only reason that they didn't get a higher rating is because it's a little tricky to get them picture-perfect.  You need to roll them very tightly and cut them evenly.  Those little frilly toothpicks might come in handy here (you KNEW you would find a use for them eventually, didn't you?  Every frilly toothpick has its day!)

TORTILLA PINWHEELS (adapted from recipezaar.com)

(serves 10)

INGREDIENTS

1 (8 ounce) carton sour cream
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (4 ounce) can canned diced green chiles, well drained
1 (4 ounce) can chopped black olives, well drained
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1/2 cup chopped green onion
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder, to taste
5 10-inch flour tortillas
***NOTE: I also like using taco seasoning instead of the green onion and garlic powder - do this if you prefer a spicier flavor.

DIRECTIONS
1) Mix all of the filling ingredients (everything but the tortillas) together thoroughly.
2) Divide the filling and spread evenly over the tortillas.
3) Roll up the tortillas.
4) Tightly wrap individually in plastic wrap, twisting the ends.
5) Refrigerate for several hours.
6) I made them the day ahead and refrigerate overnight but apparently they will be fine within a couple of hours.
7) Unwrap and cut in slices, approx 1/2" thick.

It's a Wonderful Movie

image from http://filmkids.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/awonderfullife.jpg

What: It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Rating: 10, at least as far as Christmas movies are concerned

Non-Quantifiable Rating: What's that you say? You don't like this movie? It is uncomfortable to lug around that stone heart of yours?

I will admit that there was a tiny part of me that was marginally disappointed to find how much I adored this film, because it's just such a cliche to watch this movie at Christmas and fall in love with it.  However, it turns out that it's cliche for a reason.

This movie, a story about self-worth in post-Depression era Anytown U.S.A., is phenomenal. After all, this was my first perfect 10 - even if it is a qualified 10. It's possible that I'm the last person on earth who hadn't seen this movie, but in case I have fellow grinches out there, throw in the towel and go rent it. Heck, buy it like we did, because we'll be watching it every year.

As mentioned in my post on Paranormal Activity, it's hard for movies to "get" to me.  Well, this one got to me.  I forgot all about Frank Capra lounging in the director's chair and was sucked in like a Dyson.  Jimmy Stewart's classic performance was the drizzle of Bailey's Irish Cream in this piping hot cocoa mug of a story.  I give in.  I'm just a sentimental schlup like the rest of them.

Chiang Mai Thai

image courtesy of http://www.chiangmaithai.com/

What: Chiang Mai Thai restaurant

Where: 3001 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: If they would set up a cot in the back for me, that'd be sweet.

I can't believe it's taken me over two months to publish this review.  Just think how many servings of green curry you could have had by now if I'd written this in October!  What are you waiting for?  Go!!!

Reason why my rating is phony: I have been here 5,000 times and I only ever get the green curry with tofu.

Reason why my rating is legit: I have had green curry at (literally, unfortunately) at least 100 restaurants from Minneapolis to Los Angeles to London and beyond, and I swear on everything sacred, nothing quite matches up to my first love: Chiang Mai Thai. It's like when you put scotch tape on a cat's feet and they just can't seem to break away from it, so they end up prancing around like an idiot until they finally just embrace the fact that the tape is there to stay.  Well, kind of like that.

This is not an everyday place unless you're made of solid gold or are pre-jail Bernie Madoff, but totally worth a trek, especially if you can get to their happy hour (cheap wine and appetizers until 6). Great ambiance, too.

And seriously, that green curry. Seriously.

New Moon

image (c) http://www.impawards.com/2009/twilight_saga_new_moon_ver2.html

What: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

Rating: 5

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Vampires and Werewolves and Melodrama, Oh My!

New Moon is a slight cinematic upgrade from the tedious disaster that was Twilight, but it's still dragged down by slow pacing, painfully bad acting, and more teenage angst than a junior high dance.  In spite of what the skillfully edited trailers would have you believe, a comatose koala bear would have livened up this film.

To be fair, parts of this film were okayyy (when I say "okayyyy," picture me saying it with the withering arrogance of a 13-year-old girl who was just asked if she wants to shovel the driveway in exchange for a 10-minute curfew extension).  The sets are great, and Bella's sometimes-friend Angela (played by the highly underrated and sharply hilarious Anna Kendrick) is almost worth the ticket price alone.

The producers are clearly banking (pun intended) on the fact that most of their target audience is showing up for gratuitious footage of shirtless pseudo-jailbait, of which there is plenty.  But if that's not your bag, use your $10 bucks for the surprisingly captivating book instead.

Better 'n Peanut Butter

What: Better 'n Peanut Butter

Price: $5 at SuperTarget

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Spread of the Gods

The first time I tried Better 'n Peanut Butter, the skies opened up, sunlight poured down and little peanut-shaped angels started singing the Hallelujah chorus.

OK, I exaggerate a little.

The angels were singing "Build me up Buttercup" instead.

Seriously, this stuff is too good to be true.  It's HALF the calories of regular peanut butter, much lower in fat, and tastes like dessert.  And yet it still has the good healthy fat and is made from - wait for it - actual peanuts.

I don't know how they make this stuff, and quite frankly, I don't care.  I can pronounce all but one of the ingredients on the label, and it's made from - wait for it - actual peanuts.

The one downside (hence the lack of a perfect score) is that it's pricey.  However, SuperTarget runs sales every now and then (and when they do, my husband and I usually buy the whole shelf, so you will have to beat us there).  Oh, the other downside?  Since it's "healthy," I have been known to scour my kitchen just to look for things to spread it on (don't knock peanut butter-covered Cheerios until you've tried it).

p.s. - if the bread in the picture looks yummy, here's how you can make it: Whole Wheat Bread

Black Box Wine

What: Black Box 2007 California Cabernet Sauvignon

Price: $24 at MGM for 3 Liters

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Oh, quit judging, wine snob.  You know you want some.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's in a box.  But some great things come in boxes:  new shoes, the collected works of Bob Dylan, cereal....the list goes on and on.

Most of us associate boxed wine with that crap that only shows up at college holiday parties.  This stuff is actually pretty decent (the guy behind this product claims that his goal was to introduce higher quality wine to the box wine market).  One box holds four bottles worth of wine, and it keeps for several weeks once opened.  At the equivalent $6 per bottle it's not nice enough to be super special, but it's a solid everyday wine.

The wine itself is a basic Cab Sav: full-bodied with a bit of cinnamon.  Worth it if you're a Cab fan (they have other kinds, but I haven't tried them).

The bottom line?  The good news is that with its large size and convenient spouty thing, it's very easy to grab a glass or seven of wine whenever you have the passing desire.  The bad news is that with its large size and convenient spouty thing, it's very easy to grab a glass or seven of wine whenever you have the passing desire.

The Melting Pot

What: The Melting Pot

Where: 9th and Marquette, downtown Minneapolis

Rating: 7

Non-Quantifiable Rating: The meal gets even more expensive when you have to fix your pants because you ate too much and busted the button.

Congratulations.  I'm about to save you $60 bucks and all you had to do was read my blog.  Here's the deal with the Melting Pot:   It's good food and a great alternative to the "normal" restaurant experience, but it's friggin' expensive, especially when you spring for the three-course fondue meal.  Here's the big secret:  the cheese fondue appetizer is to die for, the chocolate fondue dessert changed my life, but the entree (we did coq au vin) is pretty blah.  There's nothing wrong with it, but the cheapest one is $26 per person.  Seriously.

And besides, it's a ridiculous amount of food, even for me (I'm proud/ashamed to say that the waiter commented that my husband and I were the only people he's ever seen polish off every morsel of all three courses).

So....go to the Melting Pot, order the Wisconsin Cheese Trio and have them do the dessert course with peanut butter and dark chocolate (it's not on the menu, but if you ask they'll do it....it's one of the best desserts I've had in my whole life.)

p.s.:  Dear Melting Pot Waiter Guy:  In general, it's not kind to comment on how much a woman is able to eat.  Luckily for you, it happens to be a point of pride for me.

Super Easy Pumpkin Cupcakes and Homemade Cream Cheese Frosting

What: Pumpkin Cupcakes

Rating: 7 glazed (as shown), 8 with extra homemade frosting

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Would I like some cupcake with my frosting?

Not that anyone could ever, ever, ever get sick of pumpkin pie, but in the event that you want to mix things up a bit while keeping it in the festive pumpkin family, these babies are perfect-o.  Especially when they are mercilessly drowned in frosting (without the frosting, they're basically pumpkin muffins, which makes them sound all nice and healthy).  So eat a dozen or so, and have a good day.

And - bonus - these couldn't be easier to make.  They're so easy, in fact, that Siri is probably somewhere judging me. :)  I'm normally all about make-from-scratch, but why bother when these are just as good?

Here's a recipe for the cupcakes, and for cream cheese frosting (sure, you can buy the stuff in the can, but this is really easy and way better).  p.s. these cupcakes always prompt a debate on the proper way to eat cupcakes: top-down, bottom-up, side-in, or (like my husband and sister-in-law advocate), rip the bottom off, plop it on top and make a cupcake sandwich.

PUMPKIN CUPCAKES (recipe adapted from recipezaar.com)

Makes 24

- 1 box of spice cake mix (the two layer size, like Betty Crocker)
- 1 (15 oz) can of pumpkin (just the pure pumpkin, not pie filling)
- 3 eggs
- 1/3 c. vegetable oil
- 1/3 c. water

Directions:
1) Combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl
2) Beat on medium for two minutes
3) Pour batter into 24 lined muffin cups
4) Bake at 350 for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean
5) Cool in pans (don't add frosting until cupcakes are cool)

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING (recipe adapted from recipezaar.com)
Makes more than enough to mercilessly drown your cupcakes

- 8 oz. cream cheese
- 1/4 c. butter
- 1 lb. powdered sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 pinch of salt
- 3 tablespoons milk or cream (enough to aid in spreading...start with no more than 1 tablespoon)

Directions:
1) Blend softened cheese and butter in mixer
2) Blend and whip in the butter and vanilla
3) Beat in enough cream to arrive at the right spreading consistency
4) It's ready.  Try not to eat the entire bowl with a spoon before they make it onto the cupcakes.

Not so Amazing Thailand

image (c) http://farm1.static.flickr.com/208/446663766_314515fc65.jpg

What: Amazing Thailand (Restaurant)
Where: 3024 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis
Rating: 2
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Service Fail.

I feel really bad giving this two points - I'm not really a two point kinda gal. However, I had a truly obnoxious experience at Amazing Thailand, and there are soooo many ridiculously good Thai restaurants in Minneapolis that I feel like life's too short to NOT have a one-strike-and-you're-out policy on Thai food around here.


I ordered take-out from Amazing Thailand (call-ahead) and then walked the mile or so down to the restaurant. I waited for another 30 minutes or so once I got there which seemed like an awfully long time, but I enjoyed snickering at the tacky, trinkety decor in the meantime (points added for good lighting, though). After I got my food home, I discovered that my pad thai with extra tofu was instead laden with piles of chicken (my fault for not checking at the restaurant).

Since I'm a vegetarian and have no dog to donate the chicken to, I called to ask if I could please have a replacement dish and they said a new one would be ready by the time I got back. You guessed it, I was in for another 30 minute wait at the restaurant. This time I was not so patient. They handed me a new dish which I checked there, and it was vegetarian all right (this time they just forgot the tofu altogether) and it was cold. I didn't want to wait around for another 30 minutes so I asked if I could get some kind of refund (which is very out of character for me - it must have been the hunger making me crabby). Another 15 minute wait produced a hand-written, barely legible coupon for "buy one entree, get a second one 25% off" that -- no joke -- expired in two weeks. Sweet. So in case I have a hankering in the next two weeks for TWO cold and/or meat-laden entrees, I can get a buck or two off one of them. Scoooooore.

Perhaps the food is actually phenomenal. I will probably never find out.

Fab Winter Soup

image (c) http://100mile.foodtv.ca/files/imagecache/episode_banner/files/recipe/apple-parsnip-soup.jpg

What: Apple and Parsnip Soup

Rating: 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: What? I'm eating PARSNIPS?!?!

I know, I know, somewhere in you there is a picky 11-year-old that would rather sit in the time-out chair for 15 minutes than dare eat a parsnip.  Chillax.  I promise you won't be able to identify anything remotely parsnippy about this soup.  It's comforting, it tastes bad for you even though it isn't, and it's stunningly yummy.

I made it as the first course of my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year, and it was a big hit (I should have served it last, because I think it set unattainable expectations for the rest of the meal).  Most of the time involved is just peeling and dicing the parsnips and apples; other than that it's super easy (especially if you throw it in a slow cooker like I did!)

Make it on a chilly night soon; you won't be disappointed!

APPLE AND PARSNIP SOUP (adapted from epicurious.com)

(Serves 6)

- 3 Granny Smith Apples (about 1-1/2 lbs.), divided (a.k.a. save one for later)

- 1 Tablespoon olive oil

- 5 large shallots, sliced

- 1-1/4 lb. medium parsnips, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch thick rounds

- 1-1/4 teaspoon ground coriander

- 5 cups (or more) low-salt broth (the original recipe calls for chicken broth, I used vegetable and it was fine)

- Plain nonfat yogurt, stirred (optional - I skipped it and didn't think we missed out at all)

Peel and core 2 apples, then cut into 1-inch pieces. Heat oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add shallots; sauté 3 minutes. Add parsnips; sauté 3 minutes. Add apple pieces and coriander; stir 1 minute. Add 5 cups broth; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until vegetables are very tender, about 25 minutes. Cool slightly.

Working in batches, puree soup in blender until smooth, thinning with more broth by 1/2 cupfuls as desired. Return soup to pot; bring to simmer. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

If you're ready to serve, move onto the final paragraph.  If you have extra time (or, like me, you made this first and need to make a bunch of other stuff), throw it in a slow cooker on low for several hours to let it "think about itself", as my mom would say.

Meanwhile, cut remaining apple (with peel) into thin slices. Ladle soup into bowls. Drizzle soup with yogurt (if you're using it). Fan several apple slices on top and serve (this step is key to make it look schmancy).