What: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Rating: 5
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Vampires and Werewolves and Melodrama, Oh My!
New Moon is a slight cinematic upgrade from the tedious disaster that was Twilight, but it's still dragged down by slow pacing, painfully bad acting, and more teenage angst than a junior high dance. In spite of what the skillfully edited trailers would have you believe, a comatose koala bear would have livened up this film.
To be fair, parts of this film were okayyy (when I say "okayyyy," picture me saying it with the withering arrogance of a 13-year-old girl who was just asked if she wants to shovel the driveway in exchange for a 10-minute curfew extension). The sets are great, and Bella's sometimes-friend Angela (played by the highly underrated and sharply hilarious Anna Kendrick) is almost worth the ticket price alone.
The producers are clearly banking (pun intended) on the fact that most of their target audience is showing up for gratuitious footage of shirtless pseudo-jailbait, of which there is plenty. But if that's not your bag, use your $10 bucks for the surprisingly captivating book instead.
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